Want to Remove Those Pesky Varicose Veins? Read this first.

This was originally a FaceBook post from April 30, 2017

Let me say this about that.......

Heard from a Vascular Surgeon and 2 Orthopedic Doctors:

1.) Just get that bulging vein in your left leg removed....they said.

2.) It is no big deal...they said.

3.) Your ankle won't swell anymore and won't hurt as bad.

You'll be able to walk better and stay active....they said.

4.) Sure, that vein runs from your groin to your ankle, and has more twists and turns than a Texas road map, but you can get that all taken care of in 1 hour with only lidocaine shots and a Xanax....they said.

5.) You can be awake for the whole procedure, including the part where they use a laser to seer and close off the vein. Yeah, we'll be making cuts along the inside of your leg, but you won't feel a thing after the lidocaine kicks in.....they said.

6.) Recovery is a breeze. You'll be back to work the next day. You may be a little uncomfortable, but no pain....they said.

7.) You just need to keep wearing those thigh high support hose to keep everything tight and compressed.....they said.

8.) You'll follow up in 1 week's time for another sonogram to be sure all is well, but then, you're done.....they said.

Reality and Answers to all of the above heard from Marla:

1.) Sure. Since my deductible is paid, I can get this done for $600 ish and be done with it.

2.) Are you sure? OK. I'll believe you, since you are a VASCULAR surgeon.

3.) Are you sure? My left ankle has been blue since 2007 when I had another bad sprain. Removal of this vein should take care of that?

4.) Uhh....I didn't hear an option to be put to sleep with some nice Propofol so I don't have to feel anything until I wake up. All that digging in my inner thigh and I'm awake....are you sure?

5.) Well, I don't have an option so I guess everyone does this and are still living. Wait.....now that I'm on the table you're telling me I will TASTE the burning vein when you close it off? Doctor asking, "Why are you twitching? I haven't done anything yet." Wait.....I feel every fucking thing you are doing there with those tools. What's that? You are offering to really share EVERYTHING you are doing including SEEING the veins once they are removed? NO, I don't want to see the video while you are doing it. NO, I don't want to see the veins lying on a tray. My God....WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE? That Xanax has done nothing to relax me. Death by 1000 cuts? WTF was I thinking? This 80's music is not making me feel better. I'm in an operating room.

I AM AWAKE! AAAACCCKKK!!! Wait....you just now closed the vein and NOW you have to cut more to remove the fucking veins? What? AUDIBLE BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM as doctor TRIES to remove first part of vein. I follow with apologies. WHY AM I FEELING THIS??? Doctor is frustrated and puts the scalpel down and declares, "I can't finish the procedure. I don't want to cause you pain. You need to meet me in the clinic and get the good juice in an iv and be put to sleep." What? That was a fucking option after all? You could have done that to begin with and I would be done? WHAT???? I HAVE TO COME BACK?? WHAT????

6.) Bullshit! When the lidocaine wore off at home that morning, the pain got as bad as when I had my ACL reconstructed. I kid you not. They sent me home with NO pain meds. I called in tears....sobbing....asking why I was in such pain. So the PA tells me, "Well, I don't know if he shared this with you during the procedure, but your vein was quite large. The bigger the vein, the more it hurts." Great....why am I NOW hearing this? I am now on day 4 with a heavily bruised inner thigh, bulging vein is still there and I only was able to leave the couch yesterday. And I overdid it and paying for it last night and today. The thought that I have to go back and start the fuck over? And the sonogram on Wednesday they have to squeeze this bruised thigh......God damn it!

7.) You mean those thick $80 sausage skins that Ken had to take off of me because I couldn't do it alone before finally getting a shower (when it was allowed). I tried with all my might to put those back on, but I couldn't get them off my arm when I reached in to grab the foot of the garment. I couldn't bend my leg to get my foot in them when I finally got them off my hand. I got them as far as the ankle and the pain was so bad I said to myself, "Self....fuck this shit. I can't possibly get these up my calf to the first cut much less any higher. Were these made for a skinny legged model? Fuck...my thighs are huge.....this is impossible!!! So, I bound up my leg as best I could with a wrap. Then it kept swelling so bad the wrap was cutting into my leg. FUCK!

8.) Yeah...not so much. I have to reschedule a time to finish this thing. Then I have to pay more because it is two procedures. PLUS I will have 2 recoveries and I'm not even fully recovered from the first one.

I'll stop now by saying, fuckity, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck. I have kept moving as best I can. The nurse mentioned blood clots, but not really blood clots, but yes, they are blood clots. So far I haven't tied from a PE. I just moan all day and night from the pain. I thought I tolerated pain pretty well. I'm not great, but not a delicate flower. But now I'm frustrated. The doctor seemed frustrated. And I did what I do....APOLOGIZED for not being able to take it.

That is all. Carry on.

Neon Cowgirl at Hotel Congress, Tuscon, AZ 3/28/17. Copyright 2017 Marla Baxter Sanderson - SockOnARooster.com

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