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Friday, May 17, 2013

BACTWCY

Ever since I read the funniest blog post ever and decided that one day, I will have a BACTWCY (big ass chicken that will cut you) in my backyard, my friends have decided that they will help me achieve my goal.  But there is something that is even funnier about this chicken story.

I've spoken about my Grandmother Dearie, if you remember, in a previous post.  Well, you see, when she passed away, I became the proud owner of every kind of chicken tchotchke you can imagine.  I always thought Dearie collected them because she loved them.  And because she loved them so much, I kept them.  Hence, I now have a house full of all kinds of roosters and hens.
 I have chicken dishes, chicken paintings, chicken glasses, chicken cups, chicken salt and pepper shakers, chicken candle sticks, chicken cream and sugars, chicken pitchers yada, yada, yada.  Dearie loved tole painting.  Tole painting lends itself well to chickens.  So I have wooden stand up hand painted chickens as well as chickens that were painted on wooden cutting boards, recipe stands....you get the idea.  I have chickens coming out of my ears.  And I remember when I was younger looking around at her house thinking when she died, I really didn't want all those chickens.  But guess what....I've got all those chickens.  Mom, her daughter, has some of them too, so at least we shared the chicken love.  Well, enter the story from the funniest blog post ever.  Add my deep desire to own a Big Ass Chicken That Will Cut You.  I shared the story with Mom.  Here's how that conversation went....

Mom: "Marla, Honey....  Don't tell anyone you want a Big Ass Metal Chicken That Will Cut You!"

Me: "Why?"

Mom: "Because!  You have now opened the flood gates and you will get every damn chicken under the sun from now until the end of time!  And look around you!  You are covered up in Chicken Shit as it is!"

Me: "Really?  You Think So?"

Mom: "Yes!  How the hell do you think Dearie got all her chickens?"

Me: "I thought she collected them because she loved them."

Mom: "Hell no!  She got so many because she told one person she liked ONE fucking chicken and the next thing she knew for years to come that is ALL she ever got for gifts!  No one knew what else to get her so everyone got her something with a chicken on it.  And THAT is why you ended up with so many fucking chickens!"

Me: "Oh....crap!"

Of course, this conversation happened before she, my mother, went out and bought me my first metal chicken that will cut me LACTWCY (little ass chicken that will cut you).  I guess she figured I was already covered in chicken shit,  she might as well add to the pile.  It is a disease.

So....be careful what you wish for.  Don't count your chickens before they are hatched.....and don't let that Big Ass Chicken That Will Cut You have babies that will consume your coop.

These jokes can't write themselves up in here.  

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